Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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