My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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