i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
