i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
