Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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