loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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