Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
two words: eviction party
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
