how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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