i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
