If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
