; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
