So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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