did you get engaged???
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
