You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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