I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
