Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You left your phone here
Wait...
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