So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
