Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
