Need sex. Gaining weight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
