i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
