I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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