it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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