Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
