my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We talked him into tasing himself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
