Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
