can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
