On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
