dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
