Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
