I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
