Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
