he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
