i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
