i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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