I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
