I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
