Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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