Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
