my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
