Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's even glitter on my cock...
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