She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
