I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
