so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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