Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
