I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
