note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
