she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
