WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to make out with him forever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
