i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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