remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're a waste of cheezeits
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
