Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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