I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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