I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
