So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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