So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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